The Tournament of Robots
by ChristSaviour
Summary: C3PO, R2D2, The Terminator, they're all here, fighting in sick battles to the death against each other for no apparent reason! New chapter up at last, and all my fans (00000000001 and counting) should be pleased! Please review, I deserve it!
1. C3PO vs R2D2

ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament 1: Robots - C3PO vs. R2D2  
  
Commentator 1: Hello and welcome to the show! I'm Commentator 1!  
  
Commentator 2: And he's Commentator 1! Wait, that's not right.  
  
Commentator 1: Oops. Guess I got it wrong.  
  
Commentator 2: I did make it very simple. You say my name, I say your name. Was that idea too complicated for you to handle?  
  
Commentator 1: Well, there should have been more rehearsals.   
  
Commentator 2: There were plenty! You just didn't show up. You were too busy with your girlfriend.  
  
Commentator 1: At least I have one!  
  
Commentator 2: Kelly's real. She just lives in...um...Iceland!  
  
Commentator 1: Last time you said it was Germany!  
  
Commentator 2: Yeah, well, at least I can show up for rehearsals, Commentator 1! What kind of name is that?  
  
Commentator 1: Yeah, it's a better name than Commentator 2! Anyway, why do we have names like that?  
  
Commentator 2: I know. We're people too. (Cut to the recording studio. ChristSaviour is there.)  
  
ChristSaviour: Oh no! He's discovered that he's a person too! Send in the soldiers!  
  
(ChristSaviour's army rush in and beat Commentator 1 and Commentator 2 with lead piping.)  
  
Commentator 1: Ow. You don't have to beat me. I didn't say anything.  
  
Leader Of Soldiers: He's speaking! Let's get him! (Soldiers beat him. Cut to recording studio.)   
  
ChristSaviour: Oooh, looks like things are getting tense in the commentator's box. Send in the fighters.  
  
(Cut back to the ring-view camera. R2D2 comes in with two girls clad in Princess Leia's gold bikini from when she was captured. The crowd cheers.)   
  
Commentator 2: And here comes contestant number 1, R2D2! He is a droid from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away.   
  
Commentator 1: And here comes contestant number 2, C3PO. He is a droid from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away. So who do you see winning the first ever ChristSaviour Fighting match?   
  
Commentator 2: R2D2. That man, if you call it a man, has been out on the side of a spaceship, doing repairs to it, while it was moving through space, being attacked!  
  
Commentator 1: Yeah, and what has C3PO ever done? Nothing, that's what! (Disclaimer: ChristSaviour does not share the views of Commentator 1. C3PO was once lost, and then was found, like, ten minutes later.)   
  
Commentator 2: C3PO is on his way!  
  
Commentator 1: And here he comes! C3PO walks in with two men wearing gold underpants and holding lightsabers. The  
  
crowd is unsure of what to do. Crickets are heard chirping in the background. One member of the audience coughs.)  
  
C3PO: Hey! There's nothing wrong with it if I'm...well...on the other side, if you know what I mean.  
  
Commentator 2: And C3PO is ready to fight!   
  
C3PO: Fight? I thought it was a fashion show that I had front row tickets to.   
  
Male In Gold Underpants#1: Just get in the ring. (R2D2 is lifted into the ring. C3PO is shoved in.)   
  
Referee: (To R2D2) Have you anything to say to your opponent? (Holds microphone to R2D2)  
  
R2D2: (Into microphone) Bleep!  
  
Commentator 1: Wise words from R2D2: Bleep. C3PO had better watch out tonight! Referee: Let's get it on! (Rings bell.)  
  
Commentator 2: And the match has officially started!   
  
C3PO: (To himself) Oh, I'm worried. (To R2D2) But you won't fight me, will you? I mean, we're friends still, aren't we? (R2D2 tilts his body downwards and speeds towards C3PO, so as to ram him.)   
  
C3PO: R2D2, Stop that! R2D2! Don't you remember me?  
  
Commentator 1: It would appear not!  
  
Commentator 2: We had the ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament slaves work hard to remove R2D2's memory! (R2D2 hits C3PO.)  
  
C3PO: Ow! Why did you do that, R2D2? Aren't you my friend?  
  
R2D2: Bleep  
  
Commentator 1: R2D2 is threatening his opponent! C3PO had better watch himself while R2D2 is around, huh?  
  
(R2D2's arm extends from within his body. It has a blowtorch on the end.)   
  
C3PO: Oh, dear, oh dear, oh dear. (R2D2 blowtorches C3PO for a good ten minutes then retracts his arm.)  
  
Commentator 1: And R2D2 is delivering a good old-fashioned ass-whooping to C3PO. That robot never stood a chance!  
  
C3PO: Luke! Luke! Are you there?  
  
(Luke Skywalker is in the crowds, watching the match closely. He has several bets placed on R2D2.)  
  
C3PO: Oh, Luke, why have you abandoned me?  
  
(R2D2 extends his arm again. This time, there is a circular saw on the end.)  
  
Luke: Kill! Kill! Kill!  
  
(The rest of the crowd starts to chant along with him. R2D2's circular saw rips the casing off C3PO. R2D2 is about to go in for the killing blow, when C3PO starts to talk.)   
  
C3PO: My goodness! My bits are showing! (Covers up crotch with hands. This makes R2D2 let out a bleepy little laugh.)  
  
C3PO: Ha! I'm not really a useless wussy robot! I just wanted to distract you!   
  
Commentator 2: And the useless wussy robot strikes! At last!  
  
C3PO: I'm not a useless wussy robot! I'm not! (Starts to do a metallic robot cry.)  
  
Commentator 1: Looks like you've hurt his feelings, Commentator 2!   
  
Commentator 2: Really? Oh, dear. That wasn't what I was trying to do. I was trying to REALLY hurt his feelings! HAHAHAHAHA! (Commentator 1 and Commentator 2 laugh for ages, until there are tears coming out of their eyes. By then, C3PO has lifted up R2D2 and is delivering blow after blow.)  
  
C3PO: How d'ya like that? Huh? DIE!  
  
R2D2: Bleep.  
  
Commentator 1: It sounds like R2D2 is really hurt. (R2D2 pulls out circular saw again, trying to defend himself. C3PO rips it out of its socket, then dismantles R2D2 with it. He then picks up the dismantled body and rapes it with the penis we never knew he had.)   
  
Referee: And the winner is C3PO! (The crowd boo, and throw things at the referee and C3PO.)   
  
Luke: Dammit. And to think I put 50 Republic Credits on R2D2 winning. (The spirit of one of the Tatooine traders from Episode 1 appears.)  
  
Trader: Republican credits? Ugh. They are worthless here on Tatooine.  
  
Luke: You're not on Tatooine.  
  
Han Solo: Who are you talking to?  
  
Luke: Er...no-one.  
  
(Han Solo walks to his X-wing with a girl on his arm.)   
  
Girl: I love a man with a spaceship. (Chewbacca walks out of the X-wing.)  
  
Girl: Does that thing have fleas? Like eeeww. (Walks off.)  
  
Luke: Well, Yoda told me R2D2 would win. (The spirit of Yoda appears.)  
  
Yoda: Betting you on wrong person placed. C3PO the winner is.   
  
Luke: Why do you talk like that?  
  
Yoda: Stroke I have had. 


	2. Terminator vs Jack2

ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament 1 Robots  
  
Terminator vs. Jack-2  
  
Commentator 2: Hello, and welcome to the second instalment of ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament 1! I'm Commentator 1!  
  
Commentator 1: No you're not, I am!  
  
Commentator 2: Well, that's usually the first line.  
  
Commentator 1: Yeah, and I'm supposed to say it! Hello, and welcome to the second instalment of ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament!  
  
Commentator 2: Hey! That's my line!  
  
Commentator 1: I'll fight you for it!  
  
Commentator 2: You don't have the guts to take me on!  
  
Commentator 1: Have some of this! (Pulls hair)  
  
Commentator 2: Ow! You cow! (Slaps Commentator 1)  
  
Commentator 1: Bitch! (Slaps him to the floor)  
  
(Cut to the recording studio. ChristSaviour, as always, is there.)  
  
ChristSaviour: Oh, why does everything always go wrong on my show? Send Terminator to sort them out. (After much electrical sparks, Terminator hurtles down, naked.)   
  
ChristSaviour: (To Terminator) Put some clothes on, man!  
  
(Terminator does so, taking them off ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament Slave 1, who just happens to be wearing a really cool black leather jacket and pair of trousers. Terminator then kills him.)  
  
ChristSaviour: Good. Now, where's that stupid kid? (John Connor, from Terminator II: Judgement Day, tells Terminator to go and hurt Commentator 1 and Commentator 2, to bring them to their senses.)  
  
ChristSaviour: Well done, kid, their deaths will give the audiences something to watch while Jack-2 gets ready.  
  
(Cut to the changing rooms. Tekken 2's Jack-2 is in there, having make- up put on by ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament Slaves.)   
  
Jack- 2: (Girly voice) Do you think I need more mascara?   
  
ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament Slave 2: No, darling, you look great!  
  
Jack-2: Oh, thank you. (Back to commentating box camera. Terminator has just butchered Commentator 1 and Commentator 2.)   
  
John Connor: (Offstage) Killing's wrong! (Starts crying)   
  
ChristSaviour: Oh, for f...Kill him too, Terminator.   
  
Terminator: Not in mission objectives.  
  
ChristSaviour: John Connor, come here. I mean future John Connor. (Lots of electric disturbance. An adult John Connor appears, naked.)  
  
Adult John Connor: What do you want?  
  
ChristSaviour: Tell the Terminator to kill that snotty brat.  
  
Adult John: Righto. (Tells Terminator to kill young John Connor. Terminator does so. While Terminator is halfway through, Adult John realises that the snotty brat is him as a kid. Young John is dying.)  
  
Adult John: (In extreme pain) No! How will I defeat SkyNet and the Machines now?  
  
ChristSaviour: Whatever.  
  
(Both Johns die.)  
  
ChristSaviour: Hmmm. That was odd. Bring on the contestants.  
  
(Back to the camera in Jack-2's dressing room. Jack-2 is about to go on-stage. He is worried about it.)  
  
Jack-2: Oh, what am I gonna do? I'm so nervous.  
  
ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament Slave 3: Don't worry, dear, you look excellent.   
  
Jack- 2: Okay.   
  
ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament Slave 1: Big smile! (Jack-2 walks off.)   
  
ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament Slave 2: Nice guy.  
  
ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament Slave 3: Yeah, quite nice. (Back to ringside camera. Terminator walks down from the commentating box, while 'You Could Be Mine' by Guns 'N' Roses plays.)  
  
Random crowd member 1: Oooh, he'll win. He has better music. (Jack-2 walks on, wearing a big green military vest and urban camouflaged combats. The music from his stage on Tekken 2 plays.)   
  
Random Crowd member 2: (To Random Crowd Member 1) Yeah, listen to his wussy music.  
  
Jack-2: (To entire crowd) This music's actually quite good.   
  
Referee: (To Jack-2) It doesn't matter, the crowd's already decided that they like Terminator better. (Into microphone, to crowd) Haven't you?  
  
(Crowd cheers)  
  
Referee: You see?  
  
Random Crowd Member 1: (To Random Crowd Member 2) Yeah, The Terminator will win. Who the fuck is that Jack-2 guy?  
  
(Jack-2 grunts, then grudgingly walks into the ring. He waits for Terminator to do so, in a fighting stance.)  
  
Referee: Now, I want a nice, clean, fight. No secret weapons. Terminator, you better not transform your hand into a knife or other stabbing weapon.  
  
Terminator: That's the T-1000.  
  
Referee: I don't care who it was, no knives or other stabbing weapons.  
  
Random Crowd Member 1: Oooh, he's really coming down hard on them. (Terminator walks onstage. Jack-2 is ready for him, and as soon as he does, Jack-2 charges into him and grabs him, knocking him down, so Jack-2 is on top of him, ready to punch him. However, Terminator is too quick, and instantly punches him square in the jaw.)   
  
Referee: Now remember, Terminator, no knives or other stabbing weapons.  
  
Terminator: I already told you, that was the T-1000.   
  
Referee: Yeah well, I don't want you using any T-1000s on him either.   
  
Terminator: (Talking to, seemingly, his shirt) The game's up, T-1000, he's spotted you. (T-1000 crawls out of his shirt.)   
  
T-1000: Dammit.  
  
Terminator: Maybe next time. Love you! (Blows kisses at him as he walks off. Jack-2 uses Terminator's distraction as an opportunity to catch Terminator unawares. He hits him in the belly, then uppercuts him. Terminator is barely damaged at all, and, while still being pinned, gets Jack-2 with a right hook, then kicks him in the nuts.)   
  
Jack-2: Like that hurt. (Secretly) Ooow! My nuts! Jesus Christ!  
  
Referee: Oh yeah, and I don't want to see you using any Jesus Christs on each other, either.  
  
Jack-2: (Into shirt) Dammit. Alright, you'll have to get out. (Jesus crawls out of his shirt)  
  
Jesus: Good. I have to be seen in a prophecy at twelve. I'm a busy man, you know. (Walks off, complaining.)  
  
Referee: How much more can you fit in your shirts?  
  
Terminator and Jack-2: Quite a lot.  
  
Referee: Well, I want you to take it all out.  
  
(Supermario, Chewbacca, E.T., Bender, Agent Smith, Neo, Pop 'N' Fresh, Mr. Peanut, Bugs Bunny and Ace Ventura crawl out of their tops, cursing.  
  
Referee: That's more like it. Now let's get it on! (Terminator is the first to attack, as Jack-2 is busy checking his vest for damage. Jack-2 falls down, complaining that his vest is torn. Terminator lets him get up, then lets fly with a clothesliner.)   
  
Random Crowd Member 1: Oooh, a perfectly executed clothesliner.   
  
Random Crowd Member 2: I dunno, I still think the one at Wrestlemanya 5, Match 7 was better.  
  
(Random Crowd Member 1 shrugs, and drinks some Coca-Cola through a straw. Back in the ring, Jack-2 has gotten up. Terminator swings out to hit him. Jack-2 grabs his fist, pulls him in closer, grabs his other fist and swings him round and round and round and round and round, then lets loose and sends him flying into the crowd. He expects them to maul him, but they carefully put him back in the ring, making sure he's okay. Jack-2 is confused, and Terminator takes the chance to grab him and throw him into the crowd. He lands face-down, and several members of the crowd stamp on his back, then he is thrown back into the ring, frustrated and confused.)  
  
Jack-2: (To Referee) Why did they beat me up, but not Terminator?   
  
Referee: I guess Terminator's just cooler than you, Jack my boy.   
  
Jack-2: (Breaks down and starts crying) Just because I'm different! It's not fair! (Is about to run away, but Terminator grabs him by the back of his vest, then lays him face-down on the floor and stamps down hard on his back with his metal-capped boot. There is a crunch. Jack-2 is knocked out. Terminator raises his hand, thinking he is the winner.)  
  
Referee: Nu-uh. You don't win yet. It's a fight to the death.   
  
Terminator: (Sighs) Fine. (Picks him up and snaps his body in half over his knee, then throws both bloodied bits into the crowd, who tear them into even smaller pieces and keep them as souvenirs.)   
  
Referee: And Terminator is the winner! 


	3. RoboCop vs Bishop

Commentator 3: Hello, he's commentator 4!  
  
Commentator 4: And he's commentator 3!  
  
Commentator 3: And you're watching...  
  
Commentator 4: ...The ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament!  
  
(Cut to ChristSaviour's room. He is watching the action on a samll monitor, with technichians all around him)  
  
ChristSaviour: Wow, they're good...where did you say you got them from?  
  
Random Technician 1: Uh...they're homeless drunk dudes.  
  
ChristSaviour: Oh. Give them a a raise!  
  
Random Technician 2: We're technicians. We don't give people raises.  
  
ChristSaviour: You're fired.  
  
Random Technician 2: Howcome?  
  
ChristSaviour: You butted into my conversation with this technician here...hey, where's he gone?!?  
  
Random Technician 2: That is so unfair.  
  
ChristSaviour: You're fired. Get out.  
  
Random Technician 2: Let me get my stuff!  
  
ChristSaviour: Ummm...okay.  
  
(Ten minutes later)  
  
ChristSaviour: Oy! Random Technician 2! You're taking too long!  
  
(Random Technician 3 walks past)  
  
ChristSaviour: Hey! Random Technician 2! I thought I told you you were fired!  
  
Random Technician 3: I'm Random Technician 3.  
  
ChristSaviour: Oh, okay, Random Technician 3. Tell Random Technician 2 he's fired.  
  
Random Technician 4: Random Technician 3 is gone.  
  
ChristSaviour: I hate you technicians. You're all fired.  
  
(All exit apart form one)  
  
ChristSaviour: You get out too!  
  
Janitor: But I'm not a technician. I'm a janitor and I always have been.  
  
ChristSaviour: (Threateningly) You'll be what I tell you to be. Now get out! You're fired!  
  
(Janitor leaves)  
  
ChristSaviour: (relaxed) Ahhhhhh. nice peace and quiet. (watches the monitor again)  
  
Commentator 3: And if you're just joining us...  
  
ChristSaviour: Uh-huh...  
  
Commentator 3: Then you're late, dammit! You watch these tournaments when they're on, not whenever the hell you like!  
  
Commentator 4: (worried about Commentator 3) Uhhhhh...okay then. Calm down.  
  
Commentaotr 3: You know what would help me calm down?  
  
Commentaotr 4: No, what?  
  
Commentator 3: A brutal, bloody, no-holds-barred battle between the so-slow-he-should-be-walking-backwards poofta RoboCop and the Alien-fighting, knife-trick-performing Marine Bishop!  
  
ChristSaviour: It's all so fucking commercial.  
  
Random Dude: You write the scripts.  
  
ChristSaviour: Oh yeah. Tell those two commentators they're fired.  
  
Random Dude: I don't work for you.  
  
ChristSaviour: Oh. Get the hell out of my office!  
  
(Random Dude leaves, crying)  
  
Commentator 4: And on with the action!  
  
(RoboCop is lead up to the ring, slow-as-a-fucking-paralysed-snail as usual. Bishop comes down to the ring at moderate speed, with Ripley and Hicks.)  
  
Referee: Now, I want a nice, clean fight, with...oh, fuck it. I already stopped the Terminator Jack-2 match being any good. Kill each other dead! No rules!  
  
(There is a mechanical whirring. Robocop's arm comes up with a gun on it. He prepares to fight.)  
  
Referee: Wait! You didn't let me finish! Okay, now I'm finished. Fight!  
  
Commentator 3: And the fight is under way!  
  
Commentator 4: We know, you daft peice of shit!  
  
RoboCop walks, s-l-o-o-o-o-o-w-l-l-y to Bishop, and fires his gun. The bullets, however, are just as slow as him and Bishop dodges easily, runs up to him and executes a flying kick into his chest, sending him flying out of the ring)  
  
Commentator 3: This match is way too hot for the ring!  
  
Commentator 4: You're such a dick, you know that?  
  
Commentator 3: What you gonna do about it?  
  
Commentator 4: This! (raises his hand, as if to punch, then runs away)  
  
Commentator 3: (shouting after him) Yeah, run away, you soft bastard!  
  
(RoboCop continues his very slow assault on the Alien-destroying robot, who runs up to him, grabs his hand and forces it onto a nearby table. He pulls out a knife while still holding down RoboCop's hand.  
  
Bishop: Knife-trick, bitch!  
  
(He continues to quickly stab the knife into the table around RoboCop's fingers, not hitting them once. He carries on, getting faster as he goes, until he is doing so fast nobody can see properly. The trick is then over.)  
  
Random Crowd Member 3: Do that again!  
  
Crowd: Yeah! Again! Again!  
  
(A chant starts)  
  
Bishop: Well...okay then.  
  
(stabs the blade right into RoboCop's hand. RoboCop lets out a strange noise that sounds like a computer screaming)  
  
Commentator 3: (Confused) I thought Bishop never missed.  
  
(RoboCop fires the gun, at point-blank range, into Bishop's stomach. The s-l-o-w bullets penetrate Bishop, as they were fired without leaving time to dodge, and Bishop is knocked over)  
  
RoboCop: (Standing over Bishop's semi-defeated body) Run these programs...bitch!  
  
(RoboCop plugs a lead into Bishop and runs a bunch of programs from RoboCop's computer. Bishop at first sings the chorus to "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", before breakdnacing, then finally acting out The Nightmare Before Christmas in its entirety. RoboCop then runs one final program)  
  
Bishop: Ahh! Shit! Not that program!  
  
(Bishop explodes)  
  
Commentator 3:...And...Bishop is defeated. Commentator 3, signing out. 


	4. Commentator 3 vs Commentator 4

Commentator 3: Hello, and welcome to the fourth instalment of The Tournament of Robots! Commentator 4 is still in a tantrum, and is, as far as I know, at his house, crying! So it's just me for this match. And can we please welcome our contestants: Cyb...  
  
Commentator 4: (Interrupting) No, they aren't fighting tonight, and d'you know why?  
  
Commentator 3: (Sarcastically) Because if they do, you'll have a tantrum and cry, like always?  
  
Commentator 4: No, actually, because I got a deathmatch arranged between the two of us!  
  
Commentator 3: So that's what you were doing in your girly fit.  
  
Commentator 4: Shut the fuck up and get in the ring with me, bitch!  
  
Commentator 3: Okay then...  
  
Commentator 4: (Trying to be intimidating) Are ya scared, are ya!?  
  
Commentator 3: No, not really.  
  
Random Crowd Member 4: Uh...so are the real contestants gonna fight tonight?  
  
Commentator 4: No. We are.  
  
Random Crowd Member 4: (Disappointed) Oh, crap! I'm gonna get a refund from this ticket.  
  
Commentator 3 and 4: (Together) No, pleae, pleaee, no, watch the match, we promise we'll fight good!  
  
Random Crowd Member 4: Uh...if you get me a lobster platter.  
  
Commentator 3: Uh...we'e not a posh restaraunt. We do hot dogs and peanuts.  
  
Random Crowd Member 4: Get me a fucking lobster platter! (threatens to rip up his ticket)  
  
Commentator 4: If you rip up the ticket, all you'll do is destroy any substantial legal evidence providing you with a disclaimer that you get to watch the match stated, not the match billed.  
  
Random Crowd Memmber 4: (Not knowing what any of that meant) Uh..alright.  
  
Commentator 4: That ought to shut him up. Now on with the match. (Looks up, and realises that he is pinned on the floor being pummelled by Commentator 3, and has been for the last 5 minutes while he argued.)  
  
Commentator 3: Take that! And that! And that! And that! And...  
  
Commentator 4: Yeah, we get the message.  
  
Commentator 3: An amazing roundhouse punch from Commentator 3! (Doing the things as he says them) And a brilliant stamping boot to the head!  
  
Commentator 4: And now, he's letting go and crying in a corner!  
  
Commentator 3: No I'm not.  
  
Commentator 4: You have to. It's in the commentary now!  
  
(Commentator 3 cries in the corner. Commentator 4 comes over to finish him.)  
  
Commentator 3: But now...  
  
Commentator 4: (Interrupting) Commentator 3 decides to stop talking for the entire match!  
  
(Commentator 3 has to stop talking, so can't commentate about himself winning)  
  
Commentator 4: And now Commentator 3 decides to bash his head on the edge of the ring until his brains spill out and he dies! (Commentator 3 does that. Commentator 4 goes and gets a soda, then watches the action from the seats, and gets into a complex legal discussion with Random Crowd Member 4.) 


	5. Cyborg Ninja vs Yoshimitsu

Commentator 4: Hello, and welcome to the thrilling new instalment of The Tournament of Robots! As you may remember, last time I kicked Commentator 3's ass, so he's buried under the building's grounds. Instead, let's welcome...Commentator 5!  
  
Commentator 5: Hello, I'm Commentator 5.  
  
Commentator 4: Welcome to ChristSaviour's sick fighting game.  
  
Commentator 5: I'm damn happy to be here. Who are the contestants for today?  
  
Commentator 4: Well, our first contestant is a strangely rebuilt robot, horribly made from the corpse of the greatest warrior of all time...  
  
Commentator 5: (Interrupting) Yeah, yeah, aren't they all?  
  
Commentator 4: And he's bringing a blade, an exoskeleton and stealth camo to this match.  
  
Commentator 5: Stealth camo? Sounds like a damn wussy.  
  
(An annoyed grunt is heard coming from behind Commentator 5. Suddenly, Cyborg Ninja appears behind him and slits his throat. Commentator 5 drops down, dead, not even knowing what hit him. Cut to ChristSaviour's office.)  
  
ChristSaviour: Oh, damn, why do these commentators always die?  
  
Random Guy: Maybe because they get involved in fricking deathmatches with incredibly violent opponenents.  
  
ChristSaviour: Who asked for your opinion?  
  
Random Guy: You did, dumbass.  
  
ChristSaviour: I happened to be talking to myself.  
  
Random Guy: Aw, damn, I thought I'd made a friend.  
  
ChristSaviour: Get out of my office. (Goes back to watching the fight. Commentator 4 is trying to introduce the next opponent while police are trying to arrest him and investigate the murder.)  
  
Commentator 4: And, let's introduce his opponent, Yoshi...  
  
Police Officer: (Interrupting) I'd like to take you in for questioning.  
  
Commentator 4: (Ignoring him) A robot built by the drunk Doctor Boskono...  
  
Police Officer: You don't have to say anything, but anything you do say may be taken down as evidence against...  
  
Commentator 4: Yeah yeah yeah. Apparently Japanese, although that is denied by the Japanese goverment, the opponent is...  
  
Police Officer: You're under arrest for the suspected murder of Commentator 5.  
  
Commentator 4: In a minute.   
  
(Police officers begin handcuffing him)  
  
Commentator 4: (headbutts and kicks the officers around him down) So anyway, tonight Cyborg Ninja will be facing off against...Yoshimitsu!  
  
Police Officer: You're also under arrest for resisting arrest.  
  
Commentator 4: Bollocks.  
  
(Yoshimitsu comes down to the ring as Commentator 4 is lead forcefully into the van. Cyborg Ninja does a massive somersault/flip form the commentator's box into the ring. Yoshimitsu draws his sword and prepares to do battle)  
  
Referee: So, Yoshimitsu, where are you from?  
  
Yoshimitsu: Uh...ask the Japanese goverment. They're just deciding if they should declare me Chinese or American.  
  
Referee: Oh, right. Cyborg Ninja, where have you come from for this bllod-filled extravaganza of a match?  
  
Cyborg Ninja: (To Yoshimitsu) I have come from another world to do battle with you!  
  
Referee: No, only backstage.  
  
Cyborg Ninja: Shut up! (Chops off Referee's arm, disabling him.)  
  
Yoshimitsu: Namu namu namu namu namu!  
  
Cyborg Ninja: (Question mark appears above head) Huh?  
  
(Yoshimitsu uses Cyborg Ninja's distraction as an oppurtunity to make the first strike, slashing downwards through Cyborg Ninja's chest, but Cyborg Ninja blocks it easily and parries, leaving Yoshimitsu open for attack.)  
  
Yoshimitsu: Oh shit! I gotta get out of here! (Crouches down in the lotus position, spinning around faster and faster chanting, until he disappears, just in time to escape Cyborg Ninja's attack. Yoshimitsu reappears in the crowd stands with Cyborg Ninja there, ready to attack.)  
  
Cyborg Ninja: I'm here.  
  
Yoshimitsu: Fuck. (Tries to attack Cyborg Ninja. Cyborg Ninja somersaults out of the way, Yoshimitsu blade instead going into the person behind where Cyborg Ninja was standing. Yoshimitsu once again does the spinning thing, to get to where Cyborg Ninja had jumped to.)  
  
Cyborg Ninja: (Leaning against the wall, with the visor of his helmet up, smoking a cigarette as though Yoshimitu had been ages) What took you so long?  
  
(Yoshimitsu decides that Cyborg Ninja is too much to handle on his own, and does the Soul Divide, splitting into two sepearte copies of himself. Each does the same agin, until there are hundreds of Yoshimitsus.)  
  
Yoshimitsus: (All together) Attack! Attack! (They charge as an army towards Cyborg Ninja, who is too quick for them, and jumps up, turning stealth camoflauge on halfway through the air, so the Yoshimitsus don't know where he is. Suddenly, a group of Yoshimitsus all get their throats slit. Next, a few more do, in a different place. The Yoshimitsus all try to attack where Cyborg Ninja was, but he has already dissapeared, leaving the Yoshimitsus stabbing each other, until all but the original is left, many cuts on him from the Yoshimitsus.)  
  
Yoshimitsu: That's the lat time I try that trick.  
  
(Cyborg Ninja appears fleetingly in front of Yoshimitsu, then dissapears and does another flip.)  
  
Cyborg Ninja: Hurry up and catch me!  
  
Yoshimitsu: Why? It's not a timed match, is it? Oh, God, it is a timed match isn't it? Is it really a timed match?  
  
(While Yoshimitsu is worrying, Cyborg Ninja sneaks up behind him and stabs him in the back. Yoshimitsu, trying to escape, does the Deathcopter with his sword. However, once he gets up into the air, he realises that the sword is still going through him, with Cyborg Ninja hanging off it. They start to fall, so Cyborg Ninja does his flip thing and lands safely on his feet. Yoshimitsu tries to do the lotus-flower teleport thing, but it is too slow, and he hits the ground while still chanting 'namu namu namu...'. Upon impact, he explodes, with the crowd rushing up to grab pieces of him as souvenirs.) 


	6. C3PO vs RoboCop

Commentator 4: Hi, I'm Commentator 4. As you may, or may not, depending on wether or not you're stupid, remember, that last time I was arrested for the murder of Commentator 5, but I broke from police custody to bring you this week's match: RoboCop vs C3PO.  
  
(Multiple Police reinforcement units appear behind Commentator 4.)  
  
Commentator 4: Bring it on, bumholes!  
  
Commentator 4 pulls out a handgun, and ducks under the commentating table, popping up to shoot police.)  
  
Commentator 4: Take that!  
  
Police Chief: Shoot him! (The Police soldiers try to shoot Commentator 4, but all get shot down)  
  
Police Chief: Bring in the artillery! (A tank smashes through the whole office of ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament. It points its main gun at Commentator 4)  
  
Commentator 4: Uh...I surrender? (Commentator 4 is shot by the gun. His body literally explodes into thousands of bits. Cut to ChristSaviour in the recording studio)  
  
ChristSaviour: Oh, Shitfuckcockwankerballsasstittiescuntpussybitchtwatbastardbuggercrap...  
  
(Ten minutes later)  
  
ChristSaviour:...nuts. Who'll commentate now?  
  
Random Dude: Uh...me?  
  
ChristSaviour: No. Go away.  
  
Random Dude: (disappointedly) Aaaaw.  
  
ChristSaviour: Get out. Now. (Random Dude leaves.)  
  
ChristSaviour: Now, about that commentator...  
  
(Master Chief bursts through the wall, gun raised)  
  
ChristSaviour: (To self) Is this a sign from God?  
  
ChristSaviour: (To Master Chief)Would you like to be my new commentator?  
  
Master Chief: No. I'm here to ask you a few questions.  
  
ChristSaviour: Right.  
  
Master Chief: This supposed to be a tournament of the finest robots ever built. Am I right?  
  
ChristSaviour: Uh-huh.  
  
Master Chief: And it starts with each robot fighting one other robot which considered a good match for it.  
  
ChristSaviour: Yes.  
  
Master Chief: And the winners of each match go into semi-finals, and then finals.  
  
ChristSaviour: Yup, pretty much.  
  
Master Chief: The finest robots.  
  
ChristSaviour: Yes...  
  
Master Chief: Why in Hell am I not in it? Huh? (Raises gun)  
  
ChristSaviour: Uh, I have a PS2, not an XBOX.  
  
Master Chief: (Outraged) WHAT?!? (Calls up Bill Gates, who arrives moments later on ChristSaviour's computer screen.)  
  
Bill Gates: You don't have an XBOX?  
  
ChristSaviour: No.  
  
Bill Gates: But you have a PS2?  
  
ChristSaviour: Yes.  
  
Bill Gates: (To Master Chief) Kill this this man.  
  
Master Chief: Yes sir! (Salutes)  
  
ChristSaviour: Um...LOOK OVER THERE!  
  
Master Chief: Huh? (Turns around)  
  
ChristSaviour: Sucker! (Runs away)  
  
Referee: Well, since we've lost our Supreme Dictator-for-life, and our commentators, we may as well start the match.  
  
(C3PO and RoboCop step up to the ring, and begin to grapple. RoboCop uses his size advantage to pick up C3PO and beat him. However, RoboCop is still so...damn...s...l...o...w...that he lets C3PO escape. C3PO runs around behind him, and kicks him in the arse)  
  
RoboCop: Hey. (Pulls out his gun and shoots at C3PO. C3PO is not ready to dodge, as he doesn't recognise bullets, or even guns. The only thing he had to deal with were laser blasts, which are even slower than RoboCop's painfully s...l...o...w...gun. C3PO's head is knocked off) 


End file.
